jokes

Joke of the day:

A woman was trying to board a bus, but her skirt was too tight and she
couldn't step. She reached behind her and lowered the zipper a bit and
tried again.

The skirt was still too tight. She reached behind her and lowered the
zipper some more.

She still couldn't get on the bus and lowered the zipper a third time.
All of a sudden, she felt two hands on her butt, which proceeded to
push her up onto the bus.

She spun around, with anger in her eyes and said very indignantly,
"Sir, I do not know you well enough for you to behave in such a manner."

The man smiled coyly and said, "Lady, I don't know you well enough
either for you to unzip my fly three times either!"


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Joke of the day:

A man called his neighbor to help him move a couch that had become
stuck in the doorway. They pushed and pulled until they were exhausted, but
the couch wouldn't budge.

"Forget it," the man finally gasped. "We'll never get this in."
 
The neighbor looked at him angrily and shouted, "In?!"

 

A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping."