Loner traits

wets the bed. They usually grow out of this at some point usually when they start school. This can create problems and embarrassment for a kid.

They reject friends and family and prefer to spend a lot of time by themselves. They may have one casual friend but do not allow anyone to be close to them.

Hate physical affection hugging kissing or those three words I love you. They really hate that.

Often express themselves much better writing then speaking. May write poetry or stories.

Have imaginary friends as a kid. Later in life may have pen friends or internet friends. They much prefer pen or internet friends to real friends.

Love to get letters or email but hate when the phone rings or when any one drops in to visit. May pretend not to be home or not answer the phone. Never or seldom phones anyone else.

Collects things often to extremes. For example may have a room in the cellar that was originally for preserves just for their collection of tea pots. They have literally thousands of tea pots all arranged in order by shape or color or origin etc. They do not share this with anyone because . 1. people are just not interested 2. People may think they are weird. They have a lots of things that they do not share for the reason that people are not interested or think they are weird.

Reads a lot. or spends a lot of time on the computer.

Goes to a movie by themselves because they want to see the movie. Goes to a restaurant by themselves because they are hungry

Gets lost a lot especially as a kid. You may be driving to aunt Edna's thanksgiving dinner and become totally lost. You take a wrong road and another till you don't know where you are. Maybe you end up in Brandon Manitoba (for example) So you find a restaurant because you are hungry, a motel to sleep in and you see a few sights enjoy watching TV.   You never do make it to the Thanksgiving dinner. Eventually you get a map and find your way back home. 

Reaction: If there is another loner in the family they totally understand each other. Oh wow you got lost eh. Where did you end up. Oh cool. If you get lost next year you should get lost in Rosebud because they have this cool dinner theatre . Oh you didn't miss much Aunt Edna told us all about her gallbladder operation again Uncle Fred and Aunt Becky had a big fight. Hey can I get lost with you next year. Because I believe lonerism is genetic you will often find a disproportion of loners in one family.

non loner reaction: Pissed off. What the heck is wrong with you are you really that stupid do you have a brain tumor or something. Aunt Edna went to all that trouble to make a Thanksgiving dinner.

Sympathy   hey I know  good doctor I will make you an appointment. Perhaps something is wrong with you . Maybe you feel insecure now I will make you an appointment with the hairdresser you know you would be pretty with a little help. or maybe you feel like we are leaving you out we don't mean to. You can help make the Thanksgiving turkey next year. Don't worry I will help you.

Unusual tolerance for pain both physical and emotion. They don't enjoy pain or cut themselves on purpose but if it happens by accident they bandage themselves up and carry on. They don't ask for sympathy. A child may hide a cut or injury from parents. They seldom go to a doctor. They may be seen as emotionless or robotic 

Terrible handwriting, messy or dirty as a kid and into adulthood.

Walks slowly.

A loner may take a job far from friends and family way up north in Alaska just to get as far away from friends and family as he can.

Sometimes a loner hates his family especially if they try to change him and make him more social He doesn't wish to hurt them just get far away . If he feels trapped he may resort to desperate measures such as getting lost.

content, tolerant talks very quietly. Is very quiet and hardly talks at all. This may be perceived as the type of person easy to take advantage of.

loners may appear stupid and may be put in special ed. getting lost probably enforces that idea and poor writing and verbal skills.

a loner may not care much or at all about ordinary things. how they look, fashion, small talk, chatting, combing their hair. if people like them, money, they may give money away or horde it under the bed or something. Giving money away may be seen as being taken advantage of or a desperate attempt by the loner to make/buy friends. Not true the loner just does not care about money like you do. Rather then care if the dishes are not done, they care that there are hungry people downtown, or about animals etc. A loner left alone may be painting a picture, writing a book. trying to write a program for the computer that will do this or that, studying chemistry, or math. pursuing unusual interests perhaps that they can't share with anyone. A loner may not understand the idea of small talk but others don't understand why do they care about the chemical property of Boron. The internet is a good place to share usual interests. They may also just be doing housework.


I believe this is genetic and occurs very early in childhood. It may run in families. According to the internet 25% of the population are loners. It totally runs on my dads side the family. My father, my uncle, my cousin, me and another cousin are loners. Perhaps my aunt as well.

Grandma says my uncle would be perfectly happy playing be himself for hours on end. My cousin would eat her lunch in the bathroom at school.


The loner is often perceived as shy or lonely. Perhaps insecure or with low self esteem or depressed. People figure you spend so much time alone because you are depressed. They may try to find you a doctor. or put you on medication. A teacher will try to draw you out and include you in more social and group activities. They may try to give you more affection including physical hugging and kissing. This does not work. The more you try to draw a loner out the more they retreat. and try desperately to get away from you. They may try to boost your self esteem by telling you how wonderful you are or making a big deal out of every small accomplishment. They may try to cheer you up. They may make a big deal out of you and lavish on attention. This drives a loner crazy and he tries harder to get as far away as he possible can

Raising a loner Child or Loner Parent

If you have loner parent which is likely they totally understand you. My father was a loner just like me. Every Sunday he would bring out his coin collection and tell me about the coins , all about Kennedy and Lincoln. I mentioned I would like to collect stamps so my dad bought me a stamp album and some stamps. Now on Sunday we would arrange stamps. Dad bought me Nancy Drew books and I read just about everyone. I loved my dad and followed him around. He had endless patients with me. As loners tend to do. One day dad got his hand caught in some farm machinery , he got cut bad. He calmly got my uncle to take him to the hospital and they reattached the tendons and nerves. But his hand is still not normal he can't bend it. Many people think it was shock that caused this calm reaction. Dad was always overly calm. Dad also shared religion with me and the bible. He never hugged me or kissed me or said I love you. He never tried to change me. People everywhere say I look just just like my dad genetics.

What should a person do.

I am a loner. I am not depressed. I need time by myself. Please don't try to figure out what's wrong with me I am ok. Please don't lavish attention on me. I appreciate it when you invite me somewhere I really do but please don't pressure if I say no leave it at that and understand. I am not rejecting you. I do not have low self esteem please don't try to tell me how pretty I am or what ever in an effort to boost me up. I am not arrogant. I am not shy. Step back and I will come a ways toward you. Don't try to change me.  oh yes I am not stupid I know its hard to understand.

They have done studies where they study people who are without social contact. They have food to eat water to drink books and stuff for stimulation. However no social contact. The person goes crazy. It is determined that a person needs social contact, interaction and affection. They need family and friends. hmmm what about the loner. Would a loner like that. What is you locked him away in a room with food and water and a few books and no one spoke to him for years. Maybe he would be perfectly content to amuse himself . Perhaps a loner still has some need for human contact but to a much much less degree then everyone else.