Another Joke

Dan got a frantic call from his blond girlfriend. "I've got a problem," she said. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together, and I can't find any edges." "What's the picture of?" "A big rooster." "All right, " Dan said. "I'll come over and take a look." The woman led Dan into her kitchen and showed him the puzzle on the table. "For Pete's sake Buffy," he exclaimed after he saw it. "Put the Corn Flakes back in the box!"

The following are actual instructions found on the named items: ON HAIRDRYER INSTRUCTIONS: Do not use while sleeping. ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP: Directions: Use like regular soap. ON A FROZEN DINNER: Serving suggestion: Defrost. ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX: Fits one head. ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING: Product will be hot after heating ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON: Do not Iron clothes on body ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE: Do not drive car or operate machinery ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID): Warning: may cause drowsiness ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: Warning keep out of children ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS: For indoor or outdoor use only. ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

While attending a marriage seminar on communication,
Doug and his wife listened to the instructor declare,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the
things that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's
favorite flower?"
Doug leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, right?"

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2nd Joke Courtesy of JokesintheMail.com

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted
through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting
a ball and bat:

"I'm the greatest batter in the world," he announced.

Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.

"Strike One!" he yelled.

Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the
greatest hitter in the world!"

He tossed the ball into the air.  When it came down he
swung again and missed.  "Strike Two!" he cried.

The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball
carefully.  He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. 
He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the
greatest batter in the world!"

Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it.
He missed. "Strike Three!"

"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world, too!"

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business." 

   - Dave Barry

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Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the
other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?"
-
"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.
-
"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.
-
"I mean, I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.
-
"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling. "I'll climb into your crib
and find out."
-
He carefully got himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly
disappeared beneath the blankets. After a minute, he resurfaced with a
big grin on his face. "You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he
said proudly.
-
"You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell?"
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"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy. "You've got pink socks
and I've got blue ones."